When love asks nothing in return

Hello beautiful souls,

Before I even set foot back in Europe, I had a feeling this summer would bring big full-circle energy. I didn’t realize just how true that would be and how many old stories would resurface and find their final chapter.

I’m sure most of us at this point are familiar with the science of the premise behind “the body remembers”. If not, it essentially states that when you enter a certain place or vibrational state your body will have a visceral reaction without cognitively realizing what is happening at first. I’ve been revisiting many places in which I had deeply impactful experiences. I’ve been closing the final chapters of important stories. 

This summer I finalized my divorce. A long, dragged out process that consisted of four different appointments over the course of nine months that began last October. That meant returning to Florence, Italy where our marriage was registered each time to be present at the courthouse for a signature. Now, you’re probably thinking, that sounds insane. I assure you: it was. 

It was a huge pain in the ass. Not only getting to Florence, a city I had spent more than enough time in, but finding a place to stay, something to do in between the appointments each time. 

And then there’s the complete emotional excavation that seeing my ex-husband brought up each time. It was heavy. 

For my entire life, the example I had been modeled about divorce and separation, breakups, anything of the sort, meant resentment. Often seething, sinister hatred and utter disgust for someone you once claimed to love. That was the attitude I went into my divorce with. 

I thank my lucky stars that even though I didn’t marry the person I will be with forever, I married an incredibly kind man with a hell of a lot of integrity. Once I had the clarity (and humility) to see that my response didn’t match the reality of the situation, we met up before our first appointment. Our last interactions both in person and on the phone had been anything but pleasant, and I didn’t want to carry that energy into the courthouse with us the following day.

So I texted him the night before. I asked if he would like to clear the air, and he agreed. He picked me up from my AirBnb, and we walked through an art exhibit, ate pizza, and took a stroll around the city. We swung on the swings and laughed like kids. We cried. A lot. We owned our mistakes and talked about how our summers went. We cried some more. We healed. My heart felt lighter. We began the divorce process the next day.

Sometimes, you don’t get closure. That’s life. Sometimes we have to sit with something confusing that went utterly wrong and we have no idea why and we never will. Other times you get to have intense moments of closure, times four. Four separate visits. Four goodbyes. Each one carving out its own little scar, but also softening the sharpness of the last.

All of this got me thinking about what we owe each other, and what that even means. That word has been echoing in my mind lately. What does it really mean to owe someone something?

Is it a debt? A duty? A forced response out of guilt or obligation? Sometimes, yes.

I’ve realized that when we act from love, we don’t owe. There is no ledger to balance. There’s no silent agreement we’re trying to uphold. There’s just presence. There’s compassion. 

When we move from love, we show up not because we have to, but because something in us wants to connect. We offer explanations not because someone is entitled to our truth, but because we want to be seen and understood. True love doesn’t keep score. It doesn’t operate from obligation. It’s a conscious choice. And that’s how I want to live. Not from fear, not from resentment or obligation. But from alignment.

My ex lovingly over the course of these months helped me rewrite the narrative that I’d been living by my entire life. My incredible friends have opened their homes for me to crash (out) and sat with me while I cried through this strange and confusing time in my life. 

I owe myself the presence and excitement of getting to now create a life entirely of my own making (not the dread that I sometimes carry around this daunting task). The only person I owe anything to now is my inner artist and child. My friend’s mom said to her the other day “How exciting for Holly. I wonder what she’s going to do with her life. I’m so eager to see what she does.” 

And I loved that. It really struck me. 

This month, I invite you to reflect on what you feel you “owe”. To yourself, to others, to the world. And ask if that energy is coming from love, or from fear. 

You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You don’t owe the world your suffering. But I believe we do owe ourselves and each other honesty. We do owe ourselves tenderness and care.

I hope you can make someone smile today,
Holly