Hello beautiful souls,

Since I started this little corner of the internet that is my monthly newsletter nine (HOW, NINE, what is time?!) months ago, it’s been the highlight of my month, every month. I love writing it, I love when the inspiration hits and I get to pour my heart and musings into this little love letter to you all. 

This month, the ganas were just not there (motivation, desire, drive in Spanish). I want this newsletter to be not only an update on my travels and life but also hopefully a source of contemplation and inspiration for you. After all, nobody subscribes to a newsletter if they’re not getting something out of it, too. 

And up until the last minute, I couldn’t come up with anything to write about.

If you’ve been following along on my Instagram, you know I set off for another Camino, this time the Portuguese route from Porto. Two weeks of movement and reflection, the gorgeous Portuguese coastline, and a ton of excitement were ahead of me. But sometimes, the path you think you’re supposed to walk leads you instead to rest.

The first few days, I couldn’t find the signs. Those familiar yellow arrows and seashells that usually comfort and guide me were difficult to spot. One time, someone had painted a yellow arrow that went completely off course and I ended up walking quite a ways off the path.

I was more honest with myself with my intentions at the beginning of this Camino (and I used my own journal prompts in my Mindful Camino guide) than I was last year, and I wanted a familiar path and to follow some clear signs. I’m at a bit of a crossroads right now and my life severely lacks those clear signs. I knew from experience the Camino offered that clarity.

In hindsight, struggling to find the arrows or following one that led off course was the clearest sign of all: I wasn’t meant to walk that path right now.

I fell hard on my knee the first day and stubbornly continued walking. By the end of the second day my feet were covered in blisters and my knee was still swollen and sore from the fall. My body was screaming at me to stop. Every step was excruciating and it wasn’t until I called a friend and she said, “Holly, what are you doing? You have to stop walking.” that I even considered that possibility.

When I set my mind to something, I tend to cling to the idea that I must complete it no matter the cost. It’s like I need to prove to myself that I can do hard things. In reality, and something I didn’t realize until after I left the trail, this entire year has been nothing BUT me proving to myself that I can do hard things. 

I am still processing and dealing with what happened in my life during and as a result of the Camino last year. Now it feels obvious that it was too early to try to force more clarity again.

So instead of feeling like I failed or like I owe anyone an explanation, I’m practicing softening into the truth of the moment. And that truth is: the Camino gave me what I needed this time, as it always does, even if it wasn’t what I originally expected.

It gave me stillness. Pause. More quality time to spend with a friend. The discomfort of reevaluating my next steps without the external direction I thought I needed. I’m learning that peace isn’t something that always arrives in a neat package or in beautiful landscapes but it’s something we choose over and over again. I chose my peace when I stepped away from the Camino, as difficult as that choice was.

I chose peace when I realized I owed myself and my body rest. And I’ll keep choosing peace, again and again, even when it’s the harder choice.

This month, I invite you to reflect on what you know to be true in your body. Is there a decision you have to make that you have been contemplating, or a conversation you know you need to have with someone? Sit with yourself. Sit with how that feels in your body. More often than not, our bodies know what we need before our rational minds can catch up to override them.

I’m still figuring out my next steps, and my summer has taken an unexpected turn. But I’m finding more peace in the stillness and, as always, I’ll let you know where the road leads soon enough ✨

Until then, I hope you can make someone smile today.
Holly x